Waiting
Before, during, and after.
You ask, which one is the worst?
As the before means preparing
and the after means knowing the answers,
the middle means you have to wait, nothing else.
Gathering my important information together,
I sent them in along with my name.
Once I was done, I then realized I have entered
in to the painful stage of all: the waiting.
Waiting
Waiting
the tick goes tock,
the time goes on.
I attempt to spend my days passing the time
With normal activities that would distract me.
I went to work to earn my paycheck
I spent time with family and friends to enjoy life.
I wrote poems and journaled that were overdue.
I even deep cleaned my messy bedroom.
(Yes, with that KonMari Method from Netflix.)
However I do find myself looking back in my email inbox,
refreshing it every ten minutes from time to time.
As the sun moves around the globe more
and humans like myself get older,
the days become longer
and my anxious mind becomes larger.
Waiting
Waiting
the tick goes tock,
the time goes on.
The anxiety takes over the mind
Over an answer that dictates our motives and future.
We wait for an answer throughout life,
an answer that can be either both uplifting and discouraging.
An old man waiting on the results
of a critical medical checkup
that determines if he will live longer or die shortly.
A young woman waiting
on that phone call from her dream job
to tell her either when she will start
or “Your qualifications does not meet our needs.”
A teenage boy waiting in the courtroom
with his mother sitting behind him
on the judge who will tell him he is to either go home
or stay longer for his mistakes.
A new mother waiting on the hospital bed
after a painful delivery
for the nurse to bring in her miracle baby
that is either breathing or as another corpse.
The anxiety of the mind tells us
a mixture of possible outcomes
from the acceptance that will change your life for the better
to questioning our own worth thanks to rejection.
Anxiety can be a huge bitch, am I correct?
I want to change my future as it is mine
but I am unable to do anything about it right now.
Like you, I have to wait.
We have to wait on an answer that
we could not fight to get ourselves.
I want to make plans so fucking badly
of how to live, how to work, and how to breathe.
But until the green light goes up to go,
I am left here waiting on my future
in someone else’s hands.
Waiting
Waiting
the tick goes tock,
the time goes on.